Mandy's Musings

The Reward for Contentment

2012-01-27T17:34:00.000-08:00

Or (Un)Helpful Things Married People Say

For a while, the advice I received most regarding being single (and, often, leading a worship team) was, "I've found that it wasn't until I stopped wanting something that I got it." Now, well meaning as this advice is, it puts the potential follower (meaning, of course, me) in quite the conundrum. If I want it, then I won't get it. So the logical conclusion is to stop wanting it. But if I intentionally stop wanting something simply to get it, don't I still want it? And outside of the unfortunate damned-if-I-do-damned-if-I-don't repercussions of this advice, it never quite sat right with me as far as my loving, faithful, promise-fulfilling God goes. Why would a God that loves me and knows what's best for me always only give me what I don't want? The problem I have with this advice, as I will explain later, is mostly in the phrasing, not the concept.

The most recent thing married couples (specifically married women with young kids) have repeated to me has been: "Enjoy being single while it lasts." No matter what season of life you're in, hearing this, again, well-meant advice is not something you want to hear if you are at all dissatisfied with said season.

When I've expressed this annoyance to other married couples (who would say no such thing), most have tried to sway my thinking by delineating all the downsides of married life or child rearing. In my current life season and state of mind this is quite unhelpful. To an outsider who so desperately wants to be in, even the worst looks golden.

But there is no golden season.

There is no season of life where everything finally feels like it all fits. (Which, if you think about it, is kind of blessing in disguise. If there were such a season, life would pretty much suck once that season was over and you still had to keep on living.) For me personally, I feel like my hypothetical "golden" season is when I have my first baby (probably when the baby's around 6 months old or so). But I'm sure when I get there, I'll miss getting 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep or deciding I don't want to cook dinner and eating carrots instead or being (at least somewhat) guaranteed a block of undisturbed time with my husband.

But even that "golden" season won't be golden if I don't learn to make this season a golden season. Living every season the way I am inclined means even my hypothetical golden season would be almost entirely missed by wishing for when my first kid can walk or use the toilet or dress herself or, on the other end, looking forward to my second kid and having a baby again. (This is all beginning to sound a little like Click to me.)

Instead of there being no golden season, what if every season is a golden season?

See, the heart of the first piece of advice is contentment. But getting what you want isn't the reward for contentment. Contentment is the reward for contentment. Once you truly get to that place where you are content (cynically put in the previous advice as "not wanting it anymore"), whether you get it or not doesn't matter. Because you are content.

So, what is the lesson in this?

For single people, learn to make every season a golden season.

For married people, perhaps this is the advice best offered to single people (or anyone for that matter):

Enjoy the season God has you in

because if you spend your life

running ahead of Him,

even if you get what you think you want

you will never enjoy it.

Like a Zipper

2011-12-11T00:13:00.000-08:00

"What if things are actually falling into place?"

This is a recurring question in my conversations with God as of late. This familiar conversation ("I feel like everything's falling apart." "What if it's actually falling into place?" "Well, maybe I'd rather have it actually fall apart so I'd feel better.") has taken place multiple times over the last month or so. It's a very small picture of the circular pattern of thought that's been hamster-wheeling through my head about God's perspective and free will versus predestination.

When I was (much) younger, I spent a good deal of time on a message board community based on the audio series Adventures in Odyssey. My favorite board was the debate board (which really shouldn't surprise anybody that knew me between the ages of let's say 11-17 or so). I distinctly remember the topic of predestination coming up a handful of times and a few of them got particularly ugly. I've been fascinated with the tension of this discussion ever since. Not because I want to explain it, but because the very nature of its inexplicability speaks something very special to me about the sovereignty and mystery of God.

For another (seemingly unrelated) piece of the puzzle, I go through seasons where I have a passion to wrestle in prayer. Unfortunately (or not?), my heart is usually not in praying for the nations or the lost (yet), but for the people in my life and their life situations (as well as my own). Last night, as I was writing a list of the things that are currently on my heart, I started to muse on the idea of wrestling in prayer. I know two seemingly contradictory facts: (1) God is sovereign and all-powerful; (2) He invites us to participate with Him in prayer.

Now, how can our prayers change anything when God has all the power to do whatever He wants and knows exactly what's going to happen? His plan can't depend on the participation of people with free will because then He would cease to be all powerful, given that the plan would fall apart if the free will of the people didn't line up with His (sin?). I can feel my brain getting dizzy even as I start this spiral of thought.

In any event, however it works, whatever the reason, I do believe that God hears our prayers and that persistent prayer can change things. How? I don't know. Maybe because God "foreknew" that a particular person was going to pray for a particular thing and accounted for it in His plan. But what if that person decided not to pray that thing for whatever reason that day? Would it change God's plan? No, because God would know the person wasn't going to pray it. This, again, is where my brain starts hurting and I fall back into blissful dependence on worshiping a God surrounded by "clouds and thick darkness" (Psalm 97:2).

What does this have to do with my dialogue with God (or a zipper!)? I feel like things are falling apart. But my sovereign, mysterious God knows exactly what's happening. He can see from the beginning of my life clear through to the end and knows with complete clarity and infinite wisdom what pieces are falling where and how close (or far) they are to (or from) where they are supposed to be. What if when I felt most like everything was falling into place it really was the furthest from where it was supposed to be? What if when things feel least peaceful or most tumultuous they're actually much closer to where they are supposed to be? (I'm not trying to say at all that this is a standard for all situations or all individuals, though there is a prevailing truth that God is closest to the broken and weak, so maybe I'm not as far off as I think I might be.)

God hardened Pharaoh's heart (Exodus 10:1, which is remarkable to me because God even gave Moses a reason why He was doing something that seemed a lot more like "falling part" than "coming together"). God gave Daniel favor in the eyes of his superiors (Daniel 1:9). God can change the hearts of people. What God wants done, He will make happen. Does that mean I believe that every person that doesn't do what I think they should has had their heart hardened by God? No. Not at all. Does it mean that I think every time I have favor with someone God has divinely and miraculously moved? No. That leans a little too much towards the God is to us as we are to Sims argument for my taste. But I do very much like the idea that God has the power to change people's hearts and will exert that power if necessary. It makes it much easier for me to believe that I'm actually in the middle of a plan that is going somewhere, rather than a forgotten afterthought.

So what about the zipper? What is a zipper, exactly? Two separate pieces of fabric that have to be precisely lined up (have you ever tried to sew a zipper onto clothes?), shaped properly, and brought together by a third piece. (See where I'm going with this?) While I was praying earlier (yes, that "falling apart" dialogue may have been the origin of this line of thought), I saw a picture of a zipper... working like a zipper should: bringing things together. What if things are actually coming together? What if I'm one of those pieces of fabric--precisely lined up and shaped properly--in the process of being brought into place by a third piece? What if the feeling of everything falling apart is the very real feeling of being stretched and pulled apart from whatever's on the other side of the fabric?

I'd Rather Be an R Than a Z

2011-06-21T23:13:00.000-07:00

aka The Embarrassingly Contemplative Thoughts Mandy Has While Playing Words with Friends

I was looking over my letters the other day and thought, "Stupid R. It's not worth anything. Why do we even have Rs. Rs should be struck from the language. I would really hate to be an R, if I were a letter."

Then, I realized....

Rs are really useful and it's often difficult to make words without Rs and other low-scoring letters. This is why they score so low. But think about it . . . Zs are a flash in the pan, one-time-use type of letter. Sure, they score a lot, but their use is very limited and quickly outlived.

I'd much rather be an R.

Day 20: Current Events

2011-05-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, I skipped yesterday. It was somewhat intentional. I got home after midnight and was much too tired to blog and instead fell asleep on the couch.

Quite honestly, I can't think of a single current event that interests me off the top of my head, so I'm going to find a top-10 news stories site and choose one.

...

All right. Really, the only current event that at all piqued my interest was the tornados in Missouri. Because I have friends in Missouri. They were all fine, but after two-and-a-half years of laughing at every single earthquake we have here in California, they finally have tornado stories.

Day 19: A New Home

2011-05-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

If I could live anywhere in the world, I would live in Northern Ireland, I think. Somewhere that has ocean nearby, lots of nature and green, lots of rain, and sometimes snow. I loved the more mountainy parts of Oregon I saw, too. But it's so much more exciting to say Northern Ireland.

Truthfully, though, I'd rather live where I live and put up with the heat and dry but have the people in my life than live somewhere rainy and cool and beautiful without them.

So, not terribly long or interesting at all, but all I have to say on the topic.

Day 18: Joys

2011-05-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

People make me happy. Rain makes me happy. Snow makes me happy.

These are things about the world that make me happy. Especially people in the rain or snow. Really, people anywhere. Good company in the back of my car is far more fun than being by myself at Disneyland (one of my favorite places). I'd much rather eat a salad with a good group of people than bacon by myself. (Shocking, I know.) Apart from the "Conversations" post on Day 9, I don't have much else to say about what makes me happy.

The challenge of getting to know people and so-called "inclement" weather. That's what makes me happy in the world.

Day 17: Annoyances

2011-05-25T23:56:00.000-07:00

Prompt: "Something about the world that annoys you."

If we're speaking strictly of the physical world, I'm annoyed by the fact that I live on a part of it that gets so warm. But that's not really what we're asking.

The thing that gets under my skin the most is bad grammar. Sometimes in speaking (though I'm not frequently around people that often use bad grammar) but primarily in writing. I've recently (as in, in the last hour or two) realized that I get quite annoyed by people that use big words to mask insecurity in writing.

I would far rather read a paragraph comprised entirely of one- and two-syllable words that made grammatical sense than a paragraph filled with lofty-sounding words strung together that make little or no sense.

Now, I'm not without my faults. I would by no means purport to have perfect grammar. (If you like, revisit my 15 facts wherein we discover that for most of my life I misspelled "ridiculous" and to this day consistently misspell "occasionally" [as I just did and had to re-type it, as a matter of fact; but I got it right the second time].)

Grammar pet peeves (in no particular order):

"Could care less." If you could care less, why bother saying anything? It's like trying to say the water's too cold and instead saying "it could be colder." Or trying to say you really want something and instead saying "I could want it more." Or trying to say that you don't care about something at all and instead saying it would be possible to care less (which, if I'm not mistaken, is actually the case).

Lie vs. lay. Lay requires a direct object. Lie does not. It's quite simple. If you don't know what a direct object is, imagine the actual thing of which you're speaking in your bed and see if it works. "I am (lying/laying) on the bed." I should be in bed, so it's "lying!". "The hen is (lying/laying) eggs." I'd really rather not go to bed if there are eggs in process of being laid. "Let me (lie/lay) these groceries on the counter." If you leave the groceries in bed, they'll spoil. Bad idea. "Let me (lay/lie) down and rest for a minute." I suppose you can rest anywhere. The floor; your car; inside a dryer*. But truthfully, the best place to lie down and rest is your bed. Which is where I should be. All right, perhaps it doesn't work in every situation. So you should probably ignore my advice and just figure out what a direct object is. But it was a fun ride, no?

Unknown past participles. "Swum," "drunk," and "woken" are actually really terrible. I'm not going to argue that. But especially the misuse (or lack of use) of "woken" really bothers me. If it hurts you that much to say such an ugly (yet correct) word, just say "awakened." Yes, you sound pretentious. But those are really your only two options. (Unless, of course, you restructure the whole sentence and just take responsibility for the time you awoke and say, "I had gotten out of bed at..." Or you could go with "roused." I think I much prefer that option to any of the aforementioned. One of my friends (to be left unnamed) who has impeccable grammar the majority of the time consistently uses "ran" as the past participle of "to run." It bothers me every time.

The "I" vs. "Me" debate. I'm so over "I" being used as the object of sentences because so many of us have heard the correction, "Sammy and I want to grow up to be fat and lazy." Really, it's not correct in all situations. If it's the object of a sentence, it's "me". Unless of course, it comes with an unstated conjugation of "to be," most often following a comparison with "than" (e.g., "Cara is far more noxious than I [am]," or "Though Patrick may have well-defined abs, Theodore's noble chin makes him far more attractive than he [is]." Though the latter comes with its own pet peeve....).

Poorly constructed sentences that leave the listener/reader unclear to what the modifier refers. "Eli bought a cat but then he got hit by a car." The cat or Eli? Should I be panicked or elated? (There's a lot of cat-hating going on in this post; I apologize. I don't hate cats. Specifically. I'm more of an equal-opportunity animal critic.) "Joe went to buy a car, but before he decided to spend the money, he wanted to buy a cup of coffee and a scone, but then he decided it was too expensive." The coffee? The scone? The car? If he thought the scone was too expensive, what business did he have going to buy a car? Or perhaps that was the problem. He was spending so much on a car, he couldn't bear to spend $8 at Starbuck's. But we'll never know will we? (I don't even know and I wrote it.)

Questions that aren't really questions. "Jim and I were wondering if you and Kate would like to come over for dinner Saturday night." If I were having a bad day**, I might not respond at all to this, honestly. I am that snarky. It doesn't beg a response. In fact, it begs a non-response. If I'm in a bad mood, Jim and Shelley will continue to wonder if Kate and I would like to come to dinner because they have yet to ask. But probably only if it was a really bad day and I didn't particularly care for Jim and Shelley.

Saying "do you want" instead of "will you please." My answer will almost always be "no" to the former if I feel like it should have been phrased as the latter. Luckily for me and everyone around me, I've learned to keep this gut-response "no" inside my head and respond as a decent human being.

Although, now we've spring-boarded into a whole new world of word choice as opposed to grammar. My final bullet is not so much a grammar issue as it is a communication issue.

There are probably quite a few grammar mistakes hidden within these words. I quite honestly didn't care enough to thoroughly proof-read. There are also probably quite a few personal stylizations (nope, not actually a word) that don't fit into proper grammar rules (I point you to the above statement "I'm so over..."). This is a blog. It was never intended to be an academic paper or a comprehensive grammar manual. It was intended to be a fun (and now, I'm sure, quite terrifying) peak into my head. If you, as a reader, would like to compile a list of all my errors and post them in a comment, feel free.

I may have to buy you a cup of coffee for your efforts.

*If you're a cat, maybe. A suicidal cat.

**I took this opportunity to finally research the past subjunctive conjugation of "to be," because saying "I were" has always felt strange to me. If you don't know what subjunctive is, you probably never learned a foreign language. I didn't even know there was a subjunctive until I learned it in Spanish 2.

Day 16: Three Wishes

2011-05-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

I've never been much for these questions. It's hard for me to come up with material things I'd want to ask for and if I ask for concepts, I feel pretentious. Off the top of my head, three things I would ask for:

1. A grand piano. Or a baby grand. I'm not picky. I have a dream of having a grand piano some day.

2. A house in which to put this grand piano. If I'm going to be specific, I'd like a big house. Maybe 4 bedrooms and a couple of bathrooms. Jacuzzi, for sure.

3. Someone willing to pay to let me record some stuff. No, not unlimited money. Not even a finite amount of money. Someone in one of my classes had someone give her $1000 to record as much as she could. Something like that. Like, "I'll pay for you to record five songs." Or something like that.

Not terribly exciting, I guess. But maybe I'm just too practical to be terribly exciting.

Day 15: The Future

2011-05-25T00:55:00.000-07:00

(By my own rules, I've failed since it's after midnight; by other people's rules, however, it's still before I go to bed, so it's technically within a day. Besides, I'm doing too well to give up now because of 56 minutes.)

When I was 8, I wanted to be a mom and a doctor (specifically, an obstetrician).

Now, I want to be a mom. So, not much has changed except I realized being a doctor and being the kind of mom I want to be were mutually exclusive. I chose the one that was most important to me.

I want to be a worship leader; I want to be a good (future) wife; I want to be the kind of person that speaks life to those around me; I want to be a good friend. So, I guess I want to be a lot of things. Not just when I "grow up," but now. As I'm in the process of growing up.

Day 14: Literature

2011-05-23T21:58:00.000-07:00

I read mostly non-fiction. Spiritual formation, relationship/communication, biographies, educational . . . for the most part, that's what I read.

If I do read fiction, it's mostly classics (apart from "Redeeming Love" and a Lori Wick book called "The Princess"):

Anne of Green Gables
Elsie Dinsmore
Chronicles of Narnia

...

That's all I can think of at the moment. I really don't read fiction all that often.

Day 13: A Day Out

2011-05-22T16:13:00.000-07:00

My default outing is Disneyland. It's not just that I like Disneyland. But I find Disneyland is a good setting for some really good times with people I love. You have a lot of time for conversation, a lot of fodder for conversation, and there are rides and shows on top of all that.

Other than that, I'm pretty simple. A good outing could be a latte at a coffee shop; a game of catch with a softball and gloves or a football; a drive up to the mountains to play in the snow; even just running random errands can be a real treat (honestly, though it sounds sarcastic) with someone (or a group of someones) if the conversation makes it worth it.

And that's all that it comes down to for me. Like I said back on Day 9: it's all about the conversation. This is the number one reason why I've never been a particular fan of going to a movie theatre. It's fine if there's something I really want to see and I want to be by myself. But I enjoy movies a lot more when there's some amount of discussion allowed without everyone around getting upset about the talking.

Really, anything can make a good outing in the right company.

Day 12: An Average Day

2011-05-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

An average day will have four components:

1. Some amount of social interaction.

2. Some church appointment or meeting or service or something.

3. Some amount of Netflix (TV or movie).

4. Some reading.

That's the only way I can really generalize my days. I spend much of them at church. Sometimes even when I don't have a real reason. I like to go out and have lunch or hang out with people frequently. If I don't have anything to do and am feeling well, I'll read. If it's late or I want to multitask or I'm bored or don't feel well, I'll watch a movie or a TV show. There will most likely be coffee (preferably a latte) and music mixed in there somewhere. Usually some online social networking will occur.

An average day.

Day 11: My Dream Pet

2011-05-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

I once watched a pet-related show on a Saturday afternoon. The pet expert guy was describing how to care for a certain animal and the joys of owning this animal.

I decided I wanted one.

A pygmy hedgehog. An illegal-in-California pygmy hedgehog. They have soft bellies, apparently. And they are absolutely, heart-melting adorable.

And I'll never forgive California.

Day 10: My Name

2011-05-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

My blog username is Mandymoo488. Shocking, I know. It's my name for everything. The Mandymoo started back in jr. high when I decided I loved cows. "Moo" was my swear word of choice and at some point friends started tagging it onto the end of my name... not as a swear word... I hope.

But apparently there are other Mandymoos in this world, so I had to choose numbers. 488 is my birth month and year and I like the evenness of it as well as the way it sounds when I say it aloud.

As for the blog title (Mandy's Musings), I think I really like alliteration and I very much like somewhat obscure words.

I started blogging as a requirement for a worship class I took from SSU in 2007 (as you can see from the leftover links that exist various places on my page). This class moved to WorshipTraining as did my course-related blogs.

But, inspired by Chandler, I returned to this blog as a more personal blog and have continued to sporadically post whenever I feel I have something worth sharing.

Day 9: Conversation

2011-05-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

Something I will never grow tired of.

I will never grow tired of true, honest, heart-felt conversation. I'm not one for much small talk. I get bored very quickly talking about current events, pop culture, or the doings of people I don't know and will never meet. I like for my words to mean something. I like for my time to mean something. I like to get to know people. I like learning where they come from, how they process and communicate and adventuring into applying the things I've learned into those relationships.

It's kind of like time-series decomposition. (Everybody gasp; I'm applying something I learned in school to life.) In time-series decomposition, you take a data series and identify the patterns so that you can use those patterns to make an educated guess about the behavior of the data in the future. I do that to people. If I've spent a lot of time with someone, I can generally have conversations with them in my head and be at least close to what they say in reality when I have that conversation. But in order to know someone like that, you have to have conversations. Meaningful conversation.

And I look forward to each and every meaningful conversation that may come my way in a day.

Day 8: Games

2011-05-17T22:14:00.000-07:00

I love board games. I love card games. In fact, I think the only card game I've ever played that I don't particularly enjoy is Rummy. After playing Continental (and it's close relative Phase 10), Rummy bores me.

Some highlights:

Alibi. It's like Clue, only way more fun. No board. Instead of what, like, 20 possibilities there's like 45. And there's no board. You can ask whatever questions you want, but everyone gets to know the answer so you have to be way more careful about the way you phrase the questions.

Pinochle. I grew up playing it with my family every holiday. It's complicated. It's strategic. And you have to have exactly 4 people for maximum fun. I will never stop loving this game. But I may never be able to find 3 other people willing to play.

25 Words Or Less. It's like Catch Phrase only harder. You bid for the least amount of words to describe the five words on the card. We ditched the timer 'cause it made it too hard and it becomes an amazing game of careful phrasing.

Linq. I never get to play this game because I may be the only person in the world that likes it. Two people get a word on a card and everyone else has to bluff. Everyone gives clues. The two that have the word have to guess each other and everyone else has to guess which two people have the words. Easy if you have the word. Challenging if you don't. Fun either way.

Duck Feet and Golf are fun card games to just pass the time. I like Settlers and Monopoly every once in a while, but only if I'm in a non-competitive mood or I usually just get angry.

Day 7: Celebrity Crush

2011-05-16T00:32:00.000-07:00

I've never been much for celebrity crushes. It mostly seemed like a waste of time, so I never bothered. Upon pondering it just now, I've come up with him:

Mostly because I was just watching the YouTube video of quite possibly my favorite song of all time (Goodbye Love/Halloween from Rent: Filmed Live on Broadway). He plays Mark. He's kind of the narrator and he sings a good portion of the above mentioned all-time favorite song. It's the only song I've ever heard that can consistently give me chills the 20th or 30th time I've listened to it. But only this version. Now I've definitely talked more about the song than him at all. His name is Adam Kantor. There. I said something.

Day 6: Film

2011-05-15T15:24:00.000-07:00

So, I really just don't watch that many movies. I don't like investing so much time in something that rarely ends well. (And by "well" I mean that I feel like it was time well spent.)

While You Were Sleeping may be one of the only movies I will consistently watch over and over without getting tired of it. Beyond that, I have to be in the right mood to enjoy most movies. I like the Ocean's movies, the Bourne trilogy, The Proposal, First Daughter . . . and even staring at my movie shelf right now, I can't come up with a whole lot more. I'm just a hard sell for movies, I guess. I do enjoy more movies than those listed, but to really be a favorite of mine, it takes quite a bit.

Day 5: Channel Surfing

2011-05-14T14:07:00.001-07:00

As I said in my 15 facts, I much prefer TV over movies. So this is a hard one. As far as current TV shows, I only dedicatedly follow 3:

Chuck

Psych

How I Met Your Mother

I watch Criminal Minds from time to time, but the Chinese website I was watching it on got slow and complicated and missed the eighth episode of the current season and I haven't really been able to catch up since.

As far as syndicated or DVD-ed shows, I pretty much stick with detective shows with a bit of humor (probably the reason I like both Chuck and Psych). Scarecrow and Mrs. King, Remington Steele, and Moonlighting all fall into those categories.

Mostly, I just like character development. I like long-running shows where you get to know the characters (like ER . . . at least, the first 8 or so seasons) and they have inside jokes within the show you only get if you've been watching since the beginning (e.g., Monica and Ross's fake flip-off, Slapbets, or pineapples). Of course, I like the opportunity of romance between characters. But it really has to either be super thought-provoking (like Criminal Minds) or have some amount of humor to catch my attention for any period of time.

I like Chuck because of the strong relationships between Chuck and his family (including Morgan) and later on, between Casey, Sarah, and Chuck. I like Psych because of the long-term friendship between Gus and Shawn. Come to think of it, How I Met Your Mother, Friends, and Will & Grace are also shows I've enjoyed based on long-term friendships. Maybe I'm drawn to shows about groups of people that have been together for a long time (at least, parts of them).

Maybe studying my TV-watching habits is far more insightful than I expected or really wanted it to be.

Day 4: Música

2011-05-13T22:13:00.000-07:00

I've been looking forward to this day. I was recently asked by a friend what kind of music I liked and I couldn't answer until much later.

I have a very eclectic taste in music. It's extremely hard to predict what I will and won't like because my opinion is so VERY unique. But in pondering the question my friend asked last week, I realized that I have three standards for the music I listen to:

Technical skill

Musical simplicity

Lyrical complexity

For the most part, every single piece of music I voluntarily own falls into these three categories. If a song in particular falls short of any of these, it means it excelled in at least one of the others to the point that it was worth it for me.

Technical skill: I have almost perfect pitch. If a singer has questionable (or bad) pitch, I probably won't give them a chance. It would take some SPECTACULAR lyrics for me to get past bad pitch. Even if pitch is good, if the tone quality of singer's voice is below average, I probably won't enjoy listening. Also, in most cases the singer has to have good annunciation or I won't listen. If I can't understand the words, I don't want to listen to the song.

Lyrical complexity: By lyrical complexity, I don't mean a lot of ambiguous metaphors. I'm usually pretty dense when it comes to metaphor. But I like big words. I like structure. I like to listen to a song and tell that the writer actually put some effort into crafting the song, as opposed to simply vomiting feelings onto a page and singing them.

Musical simplicity: I don't ask much from my music. I like fun melodies, but arrangement-wise, I'm drawn towards simple. I like simple chord progressions. I like minimal instrumentation. I like vocals, really, so the less drawing away from the vocals and lyrics, the better.

That said, it's really difficult for me to be able to just state artists that I like. I like songs, not artists for the most part. The only artist I can almost be sure to enjoy is Daughtry. Any other artist is basically on a song-by-song or album-by-album basis. I tend to like Lifehouse (I actually bought Smoke & Mirrors after seeing Lifehouse open for Daughtry because they were so good), some Switchfoot, Tim Hughes, and random Broadway musicals (which are far less of an artist and more of a genre).

I'm open to almost any genre of music, but will be turned off pretty quick by bad vocals or cheesy lyrics. To sum things up.

Day 3: Thirsty?

2011-05-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

I have absolutely no self control when it comes to soda. If there is soda in the house (with the exception of anything diet or Coke or Pepsi), I will drink it. I don't like Sprite or 7-Up, but if there is some in the fridge, I'll drink it. I managed to shake my Dr. Pepper addiction last year and don't particularly care for it anymore, but Barq's root beer still allures me. But really only the first sip out of a can. After that, it tastes like anything else.

Smart Water is my go-to hydration drink. I discovered this at last Equip when I had to be outside in the heat and singing for hours without the option of a bathroom break. Smart Water hydrated me without over-fluid-ing me.

Vanilla lattes are my coffee shop drink of choice. It's the first thing I ever ordered at a Starbuck's and I've had very little reason to deviate since then (though I haven't had one from Starbuck's in forever).

I truly enjoy a good cup of a tea. If it's late at night, bed time tea or peppermint is ideal, but I prefer Twining's Vanilla Black Tea. This tea has a very special story for me. I had it once at a friend's house and fell in love with it, but she'd received it as a gift and didn't know where to purchase it. So I went to every grocery store within like a twenty-mile radius over a couple weeks and found that nobody sold it--not even World Market. So I went online and found it in six-pack boxes (as in, six normal-size boxes of tea to a package) on Amazon and bought a package. It shipped from England. I ran out in December and my mom bought me more for a Christmas present, but Amazon didn't sell it anymore. Somehow (I don't know how), she found some. It ships from Singapore. I don't really care where it comes from as long as I get to drink it forever.

Day 2: Lunch

2011-05-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

When it comes to food, I really, really love to eat it, but hate to prepare it. So if I'm choosing my own lunch, if I'm not getting fast food, I'll go for something like a lunchable (I especially love the perpetually difficult to find Chicken and Bacon Ranch wrap) or a chicken salad sandwich. But if I'm not making my own food:

Meat. I love meat. Mostly beef. Especially bacon (which I realize is not beef). Hardly a day goes by where I don't have something with bacon in it. Poultry doesn't count unless I'm desperate. Chicken can slide if, as I said, I'm feeling lazy.
Bread. Particularly of the garlic variety. I'm especially partial to sourdough, though homemade anything pretty much trumps store-bought bread.
Vegetables. I actually love vegetables. Asparagus, lima beans, and brussels sprouts are honestly some of my favorite foods.
Dessert. Baked goods. In any form. Cookies, cake, pie, cupcakes . . . I love them all.
A good cheeseburger (especially In-N-Out) will probably trump everything.
I recently discovered that if there is an infinite supply of rice krispies treats, I will continue to eat them until I feel sick. Or until they're gone. Whichever comes first. (Not that I've ever had an infinite supply. I think I had 3 once. And if there was an infinite supply, I would definitely get sick first because they would never be gone. )

When it comes down to it, bacon is about the only food I get truly excited about. Especially when combined with a cheeseburger. Bacon cheeseburger = happy Mandy.

Day 1: 15 Truths and No Lies

2011-05-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

15 facts

1. I have MANY grammar pet peeves, the top two being: "of" instead of "have" (as in, "I should of...") and "I could care less."

2. I'm a little bit of an armadillo.

3. Ok, I'm a lot of an armadillo. I used to be a porcupine, but God's been faithful to keep me growing. Hopefully in the future at some point I'll be something cuddly and soft. Like a puppy.

4. My biggest driving pet peeve is people braking before using their turn signals...if they use them at all.

5. Speaking of driving, I can't hear emergency vehicles (specifically fire trucks) when I'm driving because I live so close to a fire station, it's white noise to me.

6. I begged my mom to let us play Sims for over a decade and eventually went in with my sister to buy it when we were adults. After our PC crashed a few months later, we bought it for our Macs. Only a few months after that, I realized it wasn't all that fun and I really can't play it for more than 10 minutes or so without getting bored.

7. I much prefer TV over movies. I like the character development potential in the time of a series, whereas right about the time you start to love characters in a movie, the movie's over.

8. I'm not a big fan of fantasy. Sci-fi can get me occasionally with cool gadgets, but otherwise, I think real life is so interesting, I'd rather stick with human characters in real places.

9. I consistently misspell "occasionally" "ocassionally," then "occassionally," then, finally, spell it right.

10. I always thought "ridiculous" was spelled "rediculous" until Chander pointed it out to me in a FaceBook chat one day.

11. I really, really like to read nonfiction, but find it hard to sit down and actually do it.

12. A discipleship group Mike started last fall genuinely changed my life.

13. I truly, honestly spend most of my music-listening time listening to worship because I'm a musical sponge and will sing whatever I hear, regardless of whether or not I'm paying attention and I'd prefer to spend more of my time dwelling on Jesus than on other things.

14. I slightly begrudge the fact that my name was the third most popular name for girls the year I was born, while my parents invented my sister's name.

15. I have two girl dogs with boy names.

And I suppose I have to include a picture if I'm to do this right:

This is at Disneyland at Christmastime in November (of last year). I'm especially fond of taking pictures at Disneyland during Christmastime. And hats. I really like hats. So I guess you get two more random facts based on this picture.

I'm Gonna Go For It

2011-05-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

So, I've been toying with the idea of joining Chandler's 30-day blog challenge pretty much since he started it, but was daunted by a couple of days (especially the first one, thus the reason I never started). So, I sat down yesterday to see if I could come up with 15 random facts and they sort of just flowed, so I'm actually going to do this.

Chandler's Awesome 30-Day Blog Challenge

Day 0-Post Challenge and explain why you’re doing it.

Day 1- A recent picture of yourself and 15th facts (random or whatever) about you

Day 2- Favorite Foods

Day 3- Favorite Drinks

Day 4- Favorite musicians/bands/songs

Day 5- What TV Shows are you into? What do you like about them?

Day 6- Some of your favorite movies.

Day 7- Celebrity Crush

Day 8- Favorite Game(s) (Board, Card, Video, etc)

Day 9- Something you will never grow tired of

Day 10- Any meaning behind your blog name? If not, why did you start blogging?

Day 11- A picture of what animal you’d like to have as a pet and why.

Day 12- What an average day looks like

Day 13- Your idea of a good outing

Day 14- What do you like to read?

Day 15- What did you want to be when you grew up at age 8? Now?

Day 16- You are granted 3 wishes by an all-powerful genie. What do you wish for?

Day 17- Something about the world that annoys you.

Day 18- Something about the world that makes you happy.

Day 19- If you could live anywhere, where would you live?

Day 20- A Current Event that’s interesting to you and your opinion on it.

Day 21- What’s commonly found in your backpack/purse/pockets?

Day 22- What are you passionate about?

Day 23- What do you know a lot about?

Day 24- Tell us about someone who has impacted your life in a significant way

Day 25- Tell us about someone who has taught you some good lessons.

Day 26- Write a letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Day 27- What comes easy to you?

Day 28- What’s difficult for you?

Day 29- Explain, the best you can, the way you see the world (Worldview)

Day 30- Summarize the experience of this 30-day Blog Challenge. How did you change/grow/stay the same?

Really, I'm mostly doing it because I think it sounds fun. I have very little desire to be a consistent blogger and very much like just blogging when I feel like I have something meaningful to say. So, I'm going to do this challenge because I think it sounds fun.

Meanwhiles

2011-05-02T22:25:00.000-07:00

This was intended to be a journal entry, but ended up having a blog-type feel to it, so I figured I'd share it.

************************

It's a meanwhile. I don't know if it's a "meanwhile until I get married" or "until something happens with worship or music" or all of the above (or even something entirely different), but I know it's a meanwhile.

Which is what makes it so frustrating.

It's hard to believe that meanwhiles matter. After all, they're just the space between milestones, aren't they?

But life is meanwhiles. I am who I am because of the meanwhiles.

So, while my tendency is to define myself by events--or lack thereof--(which, the more I think about, the more I realize is sort of a cultural mindset) I'm defined by the meanwhiles.

While culture identifies by age, education, and relationship status, what I did, the choices I made, lessons I learned, and character I built are what matters. The meanwhile I spent in highschool was incomparably more important than the two-hour ceremony or piece of paper (which I subsequently lost and had to get replaced). The meanwhile I spent between my last two birthdays was infinitely more important than the 24 hours of birthday (as will the next one I hope).

I've heard it said multiple ways: "Enjoy the process." "Eat what's on your plate." Most recently, "Take joy in the life God's given you." But I always imagined the plate being empty at some point or the process ending.

But it's the meanwhiles that compose life. And even if all I learn in this meanwhile is just how meaningful meanwhiles are (and how important it is to enjoy them), then this meanwhile will be worthwhile.

The Skateboard (Parables)

2010-07-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

Recently, God's been giving me extremely applicable word pictures to describe concepts, events, or feelings. Given that I am not at all a picture-thinker, this has been extremely odd to me, but an interesting new way I've found to communicate. Anyway, I plan to start blogging some of these "word pictures" as parable-type stories. This one is much shorter than the one I hope is to come. I've been planning to post the next one (titled, "The Coach") for a while, but I'm not at all enjoying the process of fleshing out the actual story, so I've been procrastinating it quite thoroughly. Anyway, here is the first:

The Skateboard

Joey was just looking for his dad's baseball cap in his parents' closet, but he caught sight of the shelf his mom kept the presents on. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the skateboard. His birthday was in a month and he'd been begging his parents for that exact board. He knew his mom didn't like it when her surprises were ruined, so he waited as long as he could, but, finally, he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Mom," he asked excitedly one day, "when can I have the skateboard that's up in the closet?"

"That's a gift, my son," his mom answered.

"Yeah . . . I know . . ." he stated, annoyed that she was telling him something he already knew. "But when can I have it?"

"When the time is right, Son. I promise it'll be perfect."

He went away barely satisfied with the answer and remained marginally content for about a week before he approached his mom again.

"Mom," he asked again, this time a bit of an anxious whine in his tone, "can I have my skateboard, please?"

A bit put off by the entitled whine in his voice, his mother responded, "You know it's a gift I'm keeping to give you at the perfect time."

He didn't respond, but walked away with a frown, saying to himself, "But it's mine and you promised to give it to me."

Joey resigned himself to the fact that he couldn't convince his mother to give him the coveted skateboard early. He'd simply have to wait until his birthday. As the three weeks drug on, he kept a mental countdown of the days until he could finally have what had been promised to him.

Finally, the day had come. He had lain awake most of the night imagining what he would do with his skateboard the next day. The second he knew he could get out of bed without risking angering his parents, he did. He ran straight into their room and began proclaiming that his day had finally arrived.

He eagerly unwrapped his gifts, graciously glancing over each one before tossing it aside in hopes of finding the one he particularly wanted. When the final gift had been unwrapped, he looked bewilderedly at his parents.

"Where's my skateboard?"

"These are your gifts, Joey," his mother stated almost sternly. "These are the things your father and I have to give you today."

"But I want my skateboard!"

"Joseph," his father interjected, "you're being disrespectful and ungrateful."

He pouted, but turned to the gifts he'd received obediently. "These are ok, I guess." He placated himself with the thought that surely his parents would give him his skateboard at his birthday dinner with his grandparents the following evening.

Yes, he received more gifts at the birthday dinner, but with each unwrapped package, his hopes fell a bit and his bitterness took their place. The skateboard was not among them.

Joey slammed his fists down on the table, startling not only his own family, but the patrons at tables around them as well. "You promised me my skateboard. I already have the elbow and knee pads and the helmet. I've been watching videos and practicing on friends' boards. I'm all ready and you won't give me what you promised."

He was sent directly to his room to cool off once the family returned home from dinner, having left shortly after his outburst. He sat on his bed, feeling sorry for himself and stewing about his parents' broken promise for almost an hour before his mom entered the room.

"Are you ready to talk, Joey?" she questioned kindly.

"I guess."

"You think I broke my promise to give you your skateboard."

"It sure seems that way."

"My son, I did make that promise, yes. But the promise I made was to give it to you when the time was right: at the perfect time."

"But what time could be better than now? It's my birthday," the little boy mumbled.

His mom put her hand on his knee affectionately. "Joey, you don't know everything. You can't see everything the way I see it. I could've given you your skateboard today and it would have been good--great even. But when I do give you your skateboard, it's going to be perfect--better than today. Trust me, my son."

Joey shrugged. "What else can I do?"

"Well, you could be unhappy all the time."

He shook his head and smiled at his mom. "That's not the boy I want to be, Mom."

What Joey didn't see was the circumstances that surrounded him. Joey's family lived in a small, second-storey apartment. They had no yard, obviously, and only a very small driveway that was almost always packed with cars. There was a very, very small sidewalk that Joey could have ridden on, but little else, save the street where it wasn't safe. Joey also didn't know something his parents did--a skateboard park was opening just two blocks away two weeks after their son's birthday.

On this day, his mother, driving him home from school, passed the grand opening of the skate park.

"What's that?" she asked slyly.

"I don't know," he answered, straining to see across the street.

"Let's get out and look."

She parked the car and they walked over. His eyes grew wide when he saw the grandeur of all that was before him. As he watched some of his neighborhood friends riding, he felt a bit of sadness creep into his heart. He tried to push down the longing for the board he didn't have and remind himself of his parents' wisdom and his desire to be content.

"Can I watch for a while?" he asked.

"Of course."

He sat down on a bleacher seat and found himself actually enjoying what he saw. He knew he couldn't participate, but it was fun to watch just the same. He was startled out of his reverie by someone sitting next to him.

"Dad!" he exclaimed.

"Would you like to ride too, Son?" his father questioned.

Joey frowned. "That's not very nice, Dad."

His dad smiled and set a package in front of him.

Joey's face lit up. "My skateboard!" he exclaimed happily. He headed out to ride with his friends, but turned back and hastily hugged each of his parents. "Thank you," he whispered, "for my board and . . . and for waiting to give it to me. Now is so much better than my birthday would have been."

Truly, the Master Knows What's Best

2010-03-11T11:22:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been hearing a lot about the parable of the prodigal son. I've read it in books (specifically, The Return of the Prodigal Son by Nouwen and Surrender to Love by Benner), heard it in radio dramas (the AIO episode The Prodigal, Jimmy), and I'm sure heard it mentioned in a sermon or two.

Inevitably, hearing the story of the prodigal son leads me to reflect on the parable of the workers in the vineyard. Because I've always identified myself more with the jealous older son, the former parable brings up all the resentment and unfulfilled need for justice (specifically fairness) that lurks inside me. And, without fail, it reminds me of the jealous, "unfairly" treated first shift of workers in the latter parable.

I have an acute sense of "fair" and "unfair" as the world sees it. Right and wrong, black and white. That's how I naturally view the world on most occasions. In the case of what the Master does in His Kingdom, it definitely diverts my attention from the story He wants to craft. I'm overwhelmingly likely to be the one "grumbling against the landowner" because I didn't get more than what I originally agreed to--truthfully, more than what I deserve. (The whole idea of deserving at all was cleverly, creatively, and pretty thoroughly explored by my friend Chandler and since it's mostly a divergence from the actual topic of this post, I thought I'd just mention it as a "for further reading" type of thing.)

As I was discussing the above mentioned book, Surrender to Love with a pastor, I was able to delve a bit deeper into this parable than I ever have before. Two major points stood out to me about the correct response to the wages distributed:

1. The Master's Generosity

He specifically calls out the jealous workers for resenting His generosity. Now, I realize this parable is usually applied to "eleventh hour conversions" and such, but I think it holds a much deeper meaning for everyday life. Many people feel their sinful pasts form a barrier between them and God and how much God will use them. For those of us on the other side of the fence, we see God using those with sinful pasts and are prone to become the jealous workers: "How come God uses them in that way when I've never done xyz and they have?" In truth, we should be able to look upon the Landowner's generosity and say, "My Master is so merciful and so generous," and stand in awe of Him as well as allowing Him to move us toward that same compassionate generosity.

2. The Master's Intimate Knowledge

Something I feel is much more subtly alluded to in this story is how the Landowner knows the workers. He knew that even though the men had only worked for an hour, they'd miss a day's work--not because of laziness, but because no one had hired them--and still, in all probability, needed a day's wages. The Master knew what each needed.

But I believe this call goes much deeper than just trusting that He knows what we need. I think it's a draw for us to admire God's work in others. At it's maturation, it's celebrating others even when we feel we're entitled to what they're celebrating or keenly feel a need for what they're celebrating (such as a thirty-five-year-old single girl celebrating her little sister's marriage or someone who's been on a year-long job hunt celebrating a best friend getting his dream job, etc.).

Perhaps I'm seeing something that's not actually in the passage, but regardless, it's a good reminder of a profound truth: the Master knows what He's doing with each one of us and He's constantly drawing us into His story--for ourselves and for others.

And Yet...

2009-12-31T19:47:00.000-08:00

What is this season?

I love the people that surround me right now.

And yet...

I long for the days we spent every day of summer vacation together.
I miss looking forward to winter break as a time spent with friends.
I keenly feel the loss of knowing who I'd be sitting with at night church, beach day, or a winter camp cafeteria table. (Or, more accurately, I despise the insecurity in fearing I'll be left to sit alone.)
I ache for that time when Sunday afternoons and nights were set aside as time to be spent with your "group".

And yet...

There's growth.

I'd rather be

who I am now

alone

than

who I was five years ago

surrounded by people.

A Joint Topic: My Current Wastes of Time

2009-11-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

Topic 1: Joey

When I came home from school early this semester and saw my sister watching "Joey" (the under-acclaimed spin-off of Friends), I ridiculed her. Not without reason, since I'd watched the pilot online several months earlier. Watching the pilot forced me to heartily agree with the public in saying "Joey" was not a good a idea. I've been known to say, "Monica and Chandler could've easily been a spin off. Given Ross and Rachel's general popularity as a couple, they probably could've been a spin off [albeit an annoying, quite possibly short-lived spin off]. Even Pheobe was interesting enough to possibly carry her own spin-off [with Mike, of course]. But Joey? Really?"

It seems I was mistaken.

The biggest problem I see with "Joey" was simply that die-hard fans of Friends (the obvious target audience) couldn't stand Joey Tribiani without his "friends". Watching the show on its own merit, it's quite entertaining. Though I don't believe Joey was at all the hinge character. While he's meant to be the main character, any Italian womanizer wanna-be Hollywood star would've sufficed.

As far as I can tell, the show was simply before its time. The character of Michael (Joey's nephew/roommate) is basically a Leonard-from-Big-Bang-Theory type of character. In my opinion, he carries the show.

Topic 2: Why the Sims* is NOTHING like real life.

1. Teens cannot get pregnant.

2. "Teens" cannot be attracted to, date, or marry adults. (While that sounds gross at the outset, think of 19-year-olds marrying 21-year-olds and such.)

3. Children MUST go to either private school or public school. The end.

4. Babies ARE fed by bottles. Period.

5. There are no playpens. Babies either have to be held, in a crib, or left stranded on the floor.

6. Toddlers don't sleep through the night. Period. (While I recognize that not all toddlers sleep through the night, the option isn't even there in Sims. Toddlers sleep for approximately six hours and then scream their heads off to be let out of their cribs.

7. Speaking of cribs, there is no co-sleeping option. Cribs it is!

8. There is no work-at-home option and the job tracks are fairly limited. For example, there's no option to be a teacher.

9. Elders only sleep for around seven or so hours. You're forced to give them a nap during the day if you want them to have normal sleep hours, 'cause they get tired so easily, they fall asleep at 6 and only sleep till 1 in the morning and then are up all night.

10. The great age problem! I've heard (and have assumed) that an hour in Sim time is equal to around a minute in people time. Let's figure out how that works in terms of ages.

Female sims are pregnant for 3 days.

Babies are babies for 3 days.

Toddlers are toddlers for 4 days.

Kids are kids for 8 days.

Teens are teens for 15 days.

Adults are adults for 29 days...

...before becoming elders which are basically random as to when they die.

Now, obviously, this is not proportional to years. A baby becomes a toddler WELL before the age of 3, a kid before the age of 7, a teenager before 15, an adult before 30 (hopefully), and then the elder at 59 is probably about right... maybe a LITTLE late. So it's obviously not day-year correspondence.

Since it's supposed to be minute-hour correspondence, let's figure that out mathematically.

First, let's establish approximate age cut-offs for real life:

Babies become toddlers at around 18 months (though there's obviously no black-and-white, end-all age).

Toddlers become kids (assuming the sims definition that as soon as they become "kids" they go to school) at 5.

Kids become teenagers at 13.

Teens become adults at 20. (I know we could argue that the adulthood falls anywhere between 18-21, to actual developmental adulthood, but for the sake of sims, I'd label it twenty. No longer a teen and in Sims adults don't get any real privileges that older teen sims don't have.)

Adults become elders at . . . oh, let's say 65.

Oh, yes, and women are pregnant for approximately 38 weeks. (Somewhere between nine and ten months).

So, in hours:

Babies: 13,149

Toddlers: 30,681

Kids: 70,128

Teens: 61,362

Adults: 394, 470

Pregnancy: 6384

Obviously, there's already a problem with Sim timing. As I'd always wondered (but only now that the math has been done concluded), people are kids longer than they're teens. Approximately 9,000 hours longer. So how come Sim teens are teens SEVEN DAYS longer than they're kids? Oops!

Sims age transitions in hours:

Babies: 72 hours

Toddlers: 96

Kids: 192 hours

Teens: 360 hours

Adults: 696 hours

Pregnancy: 72 hours

Without figuring out the ACTUAL conversion factor (which I'm sure I'll do as soon as this blog is done), we can see how off sim ages are simply by using ratios:

Real ratios of an age to its following age:

Babies/toddlers: .429

Toddlers/kids: .438

Kids/teens: 1.143

Teens/adults: .156

Pregnancy/adults (for a base): .016

Now, were sim ages realistic, the ratios would be approximately the same. Let's take a look:

Babies/toddlers: .750

Toddlers/kids: .500

Kids/teens: .533

Teens/adults: .517

Pregnancy/adults: .103.

Because all the numbers (excluding kids to teens) are too big, it means either the denominator is too small, or the numerator is too big. Therefore, for example, for babies/toddlers to be an accurate representation with babies at 3 days, toddlers should be toddlers for approximately seven days. Correspondingly, if we left toddlers at 4 days, babies should be babies for a little under two days.

The biggest difference would probably be found with the kids/teens ratio. If kids are kids for 8 days, teens should be teens for approximately a week. If teens remained teens for 15 days, kids should be kids for around 17 days.

Really, sims creators? What were you thinking?!

*Sims 2 is the only experience I have with Sims to date.

A Little Thank You Note to College

2009-10-09T10:51:00.001-07:00

Note: I have plans for this to become a part of something much bigger, but I couldn't think of anything else to this sarcastic about just now.

Oh, College. You and I have known each other for, what, about four years now? I feel like I know you pretty well, so I thought I'd send you a bit of my appreciation.

You succeeded to do what no one else could do: break me of the bad habit I learned while homeschooled. Somehow, you managed to wrench away what had become an integral part of me: the ability to learn.

I don't know how you did it, but I obviously owe you a lot. You taught me what it means to do really well: answer 90% of questions correctly while simultaneously keeping nothing in my brain but what I'm doing over the weekend.

You taught me how to never have to pick up a book and still answer questions "right". You taught me that research and knowledge are virtually useless.

All that matters is that I can choose the more correct answer out of the four or five provided.

Thanks, College. I owe you!

Newish Song

2009-09-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

Wrote it before my sabbatical in February, but I haven't really shared it with very many people. Please, let me know what you think . . . or don't. Either way, enjoy it, please.

In the Stillness

For Chandler

2009-09-24T00:08:00.001-07:00

One of my teachers? He's an idiot.

Yup.

What's the point of new songs?

2008-10-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

While I was reticent to post another blog on worship-related musings, this seems to be at the core of what I'm currently pondering, so I thought I might as well go ahead, since nothing else was inspiring. In the meantime, my browser crashed and I lost three paragraphs-worth of work. So let's begin again, shall we? (This time in Stickies where the only time I lose stuff is when my hard drive crashes....)

On Sunday afternoon, a lovely young lady (one of my up-and-coming worship leaders) mentioned that she had never introduced a new song and hoped not to. While this did not lower my respect for her or her worship-leading abilities, it did cause me to stop and ponder: what is the point of introducing new songs?

Now, the musician in me, of course, knows the answer to that: old songs get boring very quickly. I have a 300+-song repertoire, but if I only played those songs all the time and never any others (whether new chronologically or just new to my repertoire), I would probably be just done with with worship in, I don't know, like 4 years? Perhaps that's a slight exaggeration, but I'm sure you get my point. But that's just the musician's heart in me speaking (what little there is, I suppose). And, as I know you are all aware of, the music is hardly the core aspect of worship. (In the original version of this paragraph, I elaborated on this point for five or six more sentences, finally deciding that it was useless to elaborate on a point you all would be well familiar with, so I decided NOT to spend my time recreating it.)

So, as far as the worship aspect goes, why should we be introducing new songs? As far as I'm concerned, there are four aspects of worship leading:
1. What God wants to hear
2. What the congregation needs/wants
3. What meets the band's needs
4. What meets the worship leader's needs
(Obviously in order of importance.)

Going from the bottom up, I already addressed my needs, as a worship leader (and I'd assume most worship leaders who play as often as I do would feel similar. Not to the point where you have to play four different songs every set; there obviously should be SOME continuity. But some variety is appreciated by most musicians [from my observation, anyway]).

In similar fashion, I think the band's needs are closely related. They want some variety. Younger/less experienced musicians obviously need more repetition than more experienced musicians. But still, playing the same four songs for six months straight gets tedious even for beginning guitarists (as I heard from my guitar girls when they played Sweetly Broken and Invitacion Fountain every week for three months due to lack of direction from their TEACHER).

The congregation gets a little more sticky as it gets more varied. Non-musicians don't get sick of music NEARLY as often as musicians (in my experience). But if a congregation is fully utilizing the tools of worship songs to worship (as in, gleaning insight/wisdom/whatever from the songs instead of rote repetition of words to tune), there's only so much one song can do in a certain period of time. While "I want to know you" is a valid statement, at a certain point, a dedicated heart yearns for something more. This also gets into the whole idea of seasons of songs. Taking for granted that the vast majority of congregational worship songs (especially Vineyard songs) are inspired by what God is doing with the individual, the group, the church, the denomination, or the body of Christ as a whole, wouldn't this mean that at some point, God moves on to doing/teaching/growing something different, rendering the songs mostly useless? Not necessarily completely useless. Some songs take on a new life or new meaning. Others spark thanksgiving offered in memory of past seasons. But never does a song carry as much weight or life as it did in the season in which it was intended. (At least, that's my thesis.) But perhaps that should be an entirely different blog topic.... or three.

What God wants to hear is obviously the MOST important component in song selection. The obvious Biblical support is the verse "Sing to the Lord a new song." However, I've heard this interpreted so many different ways, it has about the chance of a sieve working to fill a pool as it does of being supportive evidence. I mean, doesn't just singing in the Spirit fulfill this requirement? Not being a Biblical scholar, I'm far from being able to do anything in the way of supporting this Biblically. In following the Spirit-singing line of thought, however, isn't what the Spirit doing at the time the most relevant worship? Considering that most people cannot jump straight into the heart of what the Spirit is doing without any preparation, I'll assume, for the sake of this argument, that worship songs are simply tools to travel down this road where the end destination is knowing what the Spirit of God is doing in the moment. In this case, perhaps the best set is one that incrementally leads the worshipper down this path, ever descending upon this end destination. But this journey surely includes the most relevant songs--those God has inspired most recently based upon what He is doing with His people.

Geez, that had no structure and was a GREAT look into my mind...

In any event, I think this is long enough. It's just what's on my mind right now. How important is introducing new songs to the life of a worshipping congregation?

My Final Project

2008-08-06T23:38:00.000-07:00

For my final project for the Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen's University, Essentials Blue Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt.

The song: Let Your Justice Reign.mp3

The lyrics:

Let Your justice reign

With Your heart of mercy to guide

To seek the lost

To love the scorned

To heal the broken

To grieve the mourned

Let justice reign

And mercy govern

Let Your justice reign

With Your heart of mercy to guide

To fight for the weak

To reverse injustice

To embrace the lepers

To aid the wounded

Let justice reign

And mercy govern

CHORUS:

Give us Your heart, (Lord) Jesus

Give us Your heart

Let Your justice reign

With Your heart of mercy to guide

To release the bound

To protest brutality

To battle the oppressors

To free the captives

Let justice reign

And mercy govern

BRIDGE:

As the world crashes around

And desperately seeks an answer

Let Your heart be sovereign

And guide us, Your faithful servants

The chords: Let Your Justice Reign.pdf

The explanation:

At the beginning of the course, when we looked at the four “echoes of a voice” (Wright, Simply Christian, Pg. 1 – 51), I knew immediately that the one that resonated most deeply with me was justice. As we applied these echoes to overall worship structure, I consciously realized something for which my heart had been crying out for several years: as a church, we just simply do not play enough songs about justice. So, coming to the close of the course, I knew exactly what topic my song would be built around. However, as I studied my own blog posts and verses in the Bible such as Isaiah 61:1-3 and Matthew 10:8, I knew that in my mind, justice would never again be able to be separated from mercy (see my blog post “Justice, huh?” ). Built on that foundation with the aforementioned verses (and those like them) in mind, I wrote this song.

The bridge may throw some people, but I needed something to give it kind of a peak and this seemed like it. The general idea is that in a world of destruction where people wander around desperately looking for an answer, that this is the answer—this justice and mercy—this echo of a voice. Or, rather, better stated, the God belonging to that voice is the answer.

Also, after I wrote it, I had to question the phrase “let justice reign.” I realize this is sort of a colloquial phrase, but if justice is reigning, isn’t it sort of like an idol? But then as I began to search out my heart in writing it, I realized something: God is just. Therefore if God is reigning, justice is as well. Assuming the converse is true, if justice reigns, God is reigning. And there is nothing I would rather sing or write about than the rule and reign of God—the Kingdom of Heaven.

P.S. It's an awful recording because my guitar just plain sounded awful that day. And, also, I have cheap effects on my voice because, a. all I have are cheap effects and, b. because (ask anyone that knows me) I hate the sound of my voice without effects. I'm also not a pro at recording... Garage Band is about all I know about... so, hopefully, you'll enjoy it anyway. :)

I'm Like a ... Statue?

2008-07-19T00:05:00.000-07:00

For the Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen's University, Essentials Blue Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt.

I always knew we were created in the image of God. Genesis 1 makes that pretty clear, I think. But I never thought any further than what that meant for us as people. But this week I was challenged to take that view and make it more outward focused.

In a video Dan Wilt recorded for the aforementioned class, he brought this statement of us being God's image-bearers to a whole different degree.

He used the context of the passage, the way people centuries before us would have understood it. To paraphrase, he stated that when a king held a piece of land distant from his kingdom, to make the residents of this land recognize him, he would place an image of himself (a statue, a portrait, something).

Dan then stated something that I listened to several times; something that basically changed my worldview: "When people would look at that . . . image-bearing icon . . . as they looked at that they would recognize, in seeing this image we remember that we are under the rulership, the reign, the Kingship (or queenship) under the royal covering, under the protection of, under the strength of the ruller who has conquered us--the ruler who oversees as, as distant as they are."

Knowing, then, that we are image-bearers of God, thinking of that as some sort of declaration of our identity pales in comparison to the practical lifestyle for which this perspective calls.

When a person of the world (the "distant" land) sees me (the image), they are reminded of a King they quite possibly have never met.

While some people would see this as some strange pressure to live up to some unknown impossible standard, it excites me and encourages me that just by the simple fact that I acknowledge His rule and reign in my life, I already am that image.

As a girl who was homeschooled and entered a public community college, I didn't quite know what to make of this. I don't wear low-cut tops, but do the boys notice? I gave a speech on a "silent siege" I was a part of, but no one spoke to me or looked at me different. I missed a couple of Spanish classes for a Mexico mission trip and told my classmates, but all they said was, "I used to go to church." I always wondered how much of a difference my presence actually made. But this new perspective gives me so much more hope that just living and breathing in His power and in His love, I already am a witness.

I, for once, actually feel excited to go back to school in the fall.

Like a Sloppy Wet Kiss

2008-07-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

For the Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen's University, Essentials Blue Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt.

Recently some of our worship leaders (mostly in the high school age group) started playing a song titled How He Loves by John Mark McMillan. Oh, how the controversy swept over. I started playing it and ended up deciding it didn't fit into my definition of worship and, thus, should not be played during a worship set. But the reasons behind that have little to do with this topic. My recent reading in a book called Simply Christian by N.T. Wright provoked the thought of the most controversial line: "Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss."

Now, obviously this image is too much for some people right off the bat. However, I'm not entirely sure I actually agree with the theology. While I love the imagery of heaven meeting earth, I think it's far too incomplete a picture (not that our worship songs are ever able to give a complete picture of anything in so few words, but I think this phrase falls far short of describing heaven and earth and their relationship).

In N.T. Wright's book, he writes about how heaven "overlaps and interlocks" earth. Now, to me, anyway, this brings a lot of different possibilities. The song doesn't actually give much context, but what does "meeting" earth actually mean. In the context of the conferences and such where this song is used commonly, one could extrapolate that it means a powerful manifestation of the Holy Spirit. But does overlapping and interlocking mean that is the only or even most often way heaven meets earth? Perhaps heaven was there all along waiting for us to search for it. But that brings up another question: then are there certain "portals" (for lack of a better word) where heaven meets earth that are there for a time and then sort of disappear similar to openings to Narnia (such as the Wardrobe in the first book). Perhaps heaven kind of creeps up in an inconspicuous type of way.

I like to refer to something Mike Pilavachi, pastor of Soul Survivor in the UK, said when he visited my church worship leaders' song writers' meeting. He said the Holy Spirit exists in three ways: the omnipresent Spirit, the Indwelling Spirit, and the manifesting Spirit. Perhaps these three ways correlate with heaven meeting earth (how could they not?).

Perhaps heaven is always touching earth (not hard to believe, but hard to support). Perhaps a touch of heaven exists in every believer (the indwelling spirit). And perhaps there is the "heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss" manifestation of heaven meeting earth.

And perhaps it is all three.

What do you think?

Justice, huh? (ICEWS, eb 08)

2008-07-04T12:12:00.000-07:00

For the Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen's University, Essentials Blue Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt.

Justice is one of my core values. No matter what the punishment, everyone should get what they deserve. (I am well aware that this means we would all deserve death because we've all sinned, but I like to ignore that for the sake of someone who has done wrong to someone else getting punished.)

What I've never been able to reconcile is God's just nature with his heart of mercy. "How is that even possible?" I would ask myself.

It would seem my view of the heart behind mercy was thoroughly wrong. I thought mercy meant everyone not getting the punishment they deserve (note my pessimism). Mercy, on the flipside, is "unmerited favor." Very miniscule distinctions, but it changes one's world view nonetheless.

The latter view is more a proactive action. Whereas the former is a retroactive non-action. The view of "unmerited favor" is something doable. It's nearly tangible.

How does this relate to justice?

Fighting injustice (in a Godly manner) ends up looking like the active view of mercy. Fighting for the underdog; feeding the hungry; valiantly battling on behalf of the oppressed; all of these seemed like compassion to me. So while fighting for justice, it seems mercy creeps in somehow. Fighting for someone you've never met is not only justice, it's mercy as well.

Never had I noted how they went hand-in-hand. And how useless justice is without mercy as its guide. Justice for the sake of justice is not God's heart. But with justice inspiring mercy to act, God's will can be fulfilled.

(Inspird by the first chapter in N.T. Wright's book, Simply Christian.)